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Pichchurr Hall - The Train that got Derailed

Some lines should never be crossed

And some movies should never be made.

All right, no lengthy openings to this one. A year or two back, Clive Owen and Jennifer Aniston starred in a rather ho-hum movie, Derailed which had the tag line, Some lines should never be crossed.

Cut to 2007. Someone wants to make a movie with Emraan Hashmi. Now they know that the movie must be set in the Far East (Malaysia, Thailand, Hong Kong) , have two sultry ladies as the so-called heroines, have 2-3 foot tapping dance tracks, snatches of adultery and of course lots of on-screen smooching.

What they didnt know was what should the characters in the movie do apart from kissing and dancing. So they just looked around randomly in a movie store and came across this DVD of Derailed. Now here was a movie that was a global flop. Not many in India would have even heard of it, forget seeing it. I am not sure if it even released in India since I was in the UK around its world release. And yet it was chosen to be the source. And just to cock a snook at the intelligence of the audience, they chose to name the remake, The Train and even retained the aforementioned tagline.

I have no complaints about remaking an English movie. After all, some of Bollywood's most remarkable movies have been remakes Kaante (Reservoir Dogs) being a case in point.

However, since the producer was in a bit of a hurry and did not have money to pay an intelligent scriptwriter to craft a fine-tuned story that was inspired from the English movie, he decided that he will just copy the entire movie frame-by-frame. Decision made, casting completed by quickly roping in Geeta Basra, who is she?, and shooting started.

The worst is not over. I am one of the 29 odd unfortunate souls in the world who have seen the original movie and while I suspect it will never be recommended by either Clive or Jennifer as their memorable performances, it will also certainly never make it to any list of Worst Movie of the Decade or something like that.

It is because of precisely this reason that I fail to understand how exactly did the director of this flick manage to make an entirely dead-on-arrival movie when all the entire cast was doing was re-enact scenes from an existing movie with the same dialogues and expressions. I mean, how hard could it be to translate 80% of the dialogues from English to Hindi, the rest remain in English, and then have the cast see a scene from the original and then do the same scene again, just mouthing the translated dialogues?

And yet, master performer that Emraan is, he, and the rest of the cast, manage this seemingly impossible feat. Jennifer Aniston's character in the original atleast had some of the sex appeal and the come hither look that it demanded. Ms Basra is just plain stone faced. And Clive Owen did look tough and mean enough to do what he did in the climax. Emraan is not only not very credible doing all those things, he also looks unbelievable as the guy for whom such a girl would fall for.

An entirely forgettable nonsense, this one must not only be skipped, but also forgotten for ever.

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lolz...
am waiting for ur review of "aap ka suroorrrrr"

hehheheh
"when there is faith there is no fear"

-u know me ;)

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