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Darkness and despair..my best friends are here

I am pretty depressed right now. In fact, have been pretty depressed whole day. Its good that I can mask it pretty well in front of everyone else and the only reason that I can put in on the blog is that not many people know about it and those who do, dont really seem to care enough to read it regularly.

More than half the batch has been placed for summers leaving a motley assortment of 40 odd, of which I am also an unfortunate member and I cant help this sinking feeling that is growing by the day and has begun to gnaw at me to an extent that I cant think straight. Attending classes is a futile exercise since I am totally unable to comprehend a word of what is going on despite trying hard since I keep switching off and thinking about the predicament I am in.

What makes it even worse is the fact that I need to get place ASAP for personal and very pressing reasons. I cannot even contemplate the consequences if it turns out to be too late.

News from home is also not very encouraging and suffice to say, it adds to the overall feeling of darkness and despair with no hope in sight.

As is this was not enough, life on the personal front is threatening to take a turn which will lead to an inevitable, very painful dead end where I wouldn't know what to do. Once again, things are not in my control at all and all I can do is just sit and watch my life just coming apart. I could surely use some help right now but I dont even know whom to turn to.

Now, for the first time in my life, I am beginning to realize what drives people who commit suicide. Its the sheer helplessness and unwillingness to be a mute witness to the total disintegration of everything that is treasured and desired.

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Come and check it out if you get time :-)

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