Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Darkness and despair..my best friends are here

I am pretty depressed right now. In fact, have been pretty depressed whole day. Its good that I can mask it pretty well in front of everyone else and the only reason that I can put in on the blog is that not many people know about it and those who do, dont really seem to care enough to read it regularly.

More than half the batch has been placed for summers leaving a motley assortment of 40 odd, of which I am also an unfortunate member and I cant help this sinking feeling that is growing by the day and has begun to gnaw at me to an extent that I cant think straight. Attending classes is a futile exercise since I am totally unable to comprehend a word of what is going on despite trying hard since I keep switching off and thinking about the predicament I am in.

What makes it even worse is the fact that I need to get place ASAP for personal and very pressing reasons. I cannot even contemplate the consequences if it turns out to be too late.

News from home is also not very encouraging and suffice to say, it adds to the overall feeling of darkness and despair with no hope in sight.

As is this was not enough, life on the personal front is threatening to take a turn which will lead to an inevitable, very painful dead end where I wouldn't know what to do. Once again, things are not in my control at all and all I can do is just sit and watch my life just coming apart. I could surely use some help right now but I dont even know whom to turn to.

Now, for the first time in my life, I am beginning to realize what drives people who commit suicide. Its the sheer helplessness and unwillingness to be a mute witness to the total disintegration of everything that is treasured and desired.

Monday, November 22, 2004

What is Your problem ?

First of all, I apologise for not posting anything for so long. Lets just say, events on and after my birthday didnt allow me any space or energy to post on the blog. Poorer by about 15000 bucks and none the wiser for it, I return with this report on a trip that I undertook yesterday to the scenic riverside resort called Kadavu Resort.

At around 7:45 PM, I got a message from Baba inviting me to join him and some other of classmates on a trip to this resort for dinner. We set off in a jeep, a very typical Kerala mode of transport with exhorbitant charges and outrageous driving speeds. There were 7 of us in total with some really wierd caricatures like Baba himself, Kanav, Surabhi, Ravi and the king of all, Chhota Vikhyat.

A full 30-odd minutes of winding Kerala roads, they call them National Highways in these parts, when two trucks cannot pass each other, later, we reached the resort where we were promptly accosted by the security guard.

Guard: You speak Malayalam ?
Baba: No.
Guard: What is your problem ?
Baba: ....................................................problem?....err.....

No one of us could really answer the question as to what really was Baba's, or for that matter any of ours', problem, nevertheless we somehow managed to explain that we were there to have dinner and not solve any problems and were thankfully let in. Whew !!!

The decor is authentic rural Mallu and was pretty impressive. The serene river flowing by added to the quaint rustic charm and I was bowled over by the ambience, Thankfully the charges for staying at such idyllic retreats are too high to even consider doing such a stupid act.

We couldn't decide on whether to eat from the Buffet spread or order a la Carte but that problem was quickly resolved when we realised that the Buffet had Aloo Chat alongwith Aloo Matar, Kadai Paneer and Dal Palak with Naan, Malabari Paratha and Bread Rolls. Starter was a bowl of rich cream of Tomato Soup which was strictly ok. Nothing more.

The Kadai Paneer was too spicy for my liking, a view shared by all the rest. Aloo Matar was the only item that could hold its head high, for the brief instant before one of us devoured it.

Dessert was some fruit salad, which was an exact replica of the salad that we are served in our IIMK mess about 3 times a week and Gulab Jamun which can at best be considered unpalatable. At worst, the cook should be hanged from the gallows.

To summarise, excellent scenery on the way, beatiful resort, great service and some amazing atmosphere, all let down with strictly pedestrian fare. For Rs. 225 plus taxes there are much better alternatives available, though I will be damned if I know about them.

What I have still not been able to figure out though, is - What is Baba's problem ?
Any answers?



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